It wasn’t that she didn’t love Jacob; he just drove her crazy. He was one of those men who never said what he was thinking, but instead turned silent and stared off into space whenever he was upset.
Mary said to him, “Give me something to work with here, please. I need help understanding what exactly bothers you.”
He shrugged. “Keep on keeping on, babe. I’m quirky, that’s all.”
And quirky he was, particularly if you counted his affection for animals, which numbered five dogs: two beagles, Otis and Jordan; two boxers, Harold and James; and a standard poodle, who answered to the name of Kaiser. Jacob – Mary’s boyfriend – liked all of them to sleep with him and Mary in the California king he’d bought to accommodate his whole menagerie. When Mary protested, Jacob said, “You can sleep in the guest room if that works better for you. The boys and I will be in the master.”
So Mary was left with a choice: dump Jacob and his quirks, or not. For the time being she was in the “not’ category. When her mother inquired what Jacob possessed that made him such a prize, Mary raised an eyebrow and said, “You know.” Her mother took that to mean that Jacob had hidden assets that made sleeping in that bed with five animals plus him more interesting than electing to move back home with her.
Jacob and Mary had been living together for about three months when he arrived home one afternoon with a pet kennel in hand. Mary stared at the box and then at Jacob. “I hope you’re not bringing home another dog.”
“Not exactly.” Out he pulled his new acquisition: a ferret named Emanuel.
Mary wrinkled her nose. “That thing stinks.”
Jacob cradled Emanuel. “The guy I bought him from says that you’ll get used to the smell.”
Mary headed off to the bedroom, yelling over her shoulder. “You get used to it. I’m gone!” She dragged her suitcase out of the closet and threw clothes from her drawers into it. It was bad enough having to fit on a bed with five dogs and a man, but a ferret, too? That was just too much.
Jacob came in and watched as she packed. “I didn’t do this to make you mad. I just thought…”
“I want someone who loves me more than his pets.”
Jacob stared out the window, silent.
Mary heaved her heavy suitcase off the bed, accidentally right on top of the ferret, who had been sniffing at her feet.
Jacob stared. Mary stared. The dogs walked over and sniffed.
Mary raised the suitcase and saw blood seeping into the beige carpet. She shuddered; Jacob sighed. She walked out of the room and bumped her suitcase – thud, thud, thud – down the stairs, leaving a trail of blood.
Just as she slammed her trunk, Jacob came ran out of the house. “You crazy woman, you killed my ferret! How dare you leave without at least an apology?”
Mary looked strangely happy. “I’m sorry.”
Jacob watched as she got into her car and backed out. Just as she was about to drive off, he ran over and banged on the window. “I don’t want you to go!”
Mary put the car in park. “You have to ask me about new animals.”
“All right.”
“And if I’m upset, the dogs go in the guest room, not me.”
“Okay.”
“And you will never bring another ferret into this house.”
“Agreed.”
Mary pulled the car back into the driveway. “I’m only staying because you yelled.”
“What?”
“When you yelled, you broke through the ice that keeps you so far away.”
“I did?”
“Promise me you’ll yell again and let me know how you’re feeling.”
Jacob shrugged.
“Promise or I’m gone.”
“I promise!” he shouted.
Mary smiled. “All right then. Let’s go and bury that unfortunate ferret.”
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