I have been working today on my sister’s eulogy for her memorial service this upcoming Saturday. I have done this once before, giving the eulogy for a sibling, and it is a tough task under the best of circumstances. How is it possible to convey how one feels about a beloved sister or brother? In my brother’s case, I wrote the whole thing, then completely rewrote it the day of the funeral. I would prefer not to do that this time since I will be busy with all the relatives before the service and we are arriving on Friday for the Saturday service. I would prefer to arrive prepared and ready to go so I can enjoy the brief visit I’m going to have with family and friends.
I wrote a complete draft of my talk this afternoon and initially I was pleased with it; am still happy with parts of it. But then I began to fear I was too serious and, after all, my sister had a great sense of humor, so I thought I surely could add a little lightness to the event. I began looking up jokes on death and before I knew it I’d added a few of these in. Nothing too extreme, but an example that I didn’t use (but could have) was Woody Allen’s quote, “It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” I didn’t pick this one because I don’t think it’s that funny, just slightly humorous. I picked four others that I thought Leslie would like and put them in at the end of my talk just to bring a smile.
Of course, I am capable of being funny – usually by accident – but as a rule, Len and funny are not two words that go together. So, this is a stretch for me and I will revisit my draft tomorrow and see if there’s any way that I can pull off this “lighter” tone. Everyone likes a good laugh – me included – and I know that Leslie would approve. It’s just a question if I can deliver these lines without stumbling or worse yet, being a little too teary to make them actually work. Alas, this is half the problem when one agrees to give a eulogy at all. Crying is always a fear, and not an unreasonable one at that. I managed to get through my brother’s with only a couple of minor weepy moments, and did the same for a smaller role I played in my sister-in-law’s recent memorial service. One might think that by now I’d be getting the hang of it…
So, I will see. Lord knows that people will be fine with whatever I say. This is, after all, an audience filled with people who loved my sister, and who also feel kindly to me, so I don’t need to worry too much. Still, I would like it if I could actually make people smile rather than wince with a poorly delivered punch line. Yes, I realize this is not comedy routine time and, believe me, this is not a Saturday Night Live skit by any means – just my hopefully not too lame attempt to bring a little levity to the situation.
When I mentioned this approach to my husband, Ray, he gave me a sideways look. He’s the funny one in the family and I could see that expression in his eyes that means, Danger! Danger! He, as a man married for almost 32 years, looked at me and said, “I think you need to get someone else’s opinion on this.” Yes, I know what THAT means!
As for now, I’m headed off to bed. I will look at this with fresh eyes tomorrow and read it to one of my daughters for an opinion. Believe me, I will know instantly if this is foolhardy or not, the minute I see a real-life reaction. Between then and now, I’ll let sleep be my guide. Of course, that horror-struck look on Ray’s face might be all the feedback I need.
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