I put tulips under all the pillows and then I set fire to the house.
I know that sounds crazy, but it really wasn’t because it was an old house – my grandmother’s – and it was out in the country where nobody ever came and it was a week after Grandma died and squatters were already casing the house for a great place to crash.
Yes, I know that sounds extreme, but what else was I supposed to do?
I went into every room and put the tulips on every bed and couch to show respect for Grandma. Tulips – red and yellow ones – were her favorite flower, as you may have guessed. The other reason I did that was to guarantee that none of those squatters were anywhere in the house. I didn’t want to kill anybody, for God’s sake, I just needed rid of the worry of whether or not Grandma’s house was being destroyed by a bunch of deadbeats with drug problems.
I stood outside and watched with great satisfaction as the house went up in flames. Red, orange and yellow against the blue sky. I felt as if Grandma was looking down from heaven smiling at me even if there were also billows of gray-black smoke that must have been seen for at least 20 miles.
I was just getting back in my car when I saw something shiny in the grass in the yard. I leaned down and scooped it up. A diamond bracelet. Where in the heck did that come from? I looked around to see if somebody was watching – one of those people who had decided that Grandma’s home was theirs not mine – and then I saw a pair of blue eyes staring at me, not ten feet away. It was a woman, pretty as you please, and I could tell that the bracelet was hers.
Now I am not a ladies man. The truth is that I don’t really talk to women much, never have, since I was the quintessential nerd in high school – you know, the pocket-protector kind of guy who made high A’s in physics class. So, seeing those blue eyes and those curves in that tight green dress and that red mouth smiling at me…well…it scared me half to death. Women, they were all the same, I’d decided years ago, and I had no reason to believe this woman was any different. Besides, why was she out here at my grandma’s in that dress in the middle of the country in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon? Who was she and why was she now banging on my car window, smiling at me with white straight teeth?
I cautiously rolled down my window. “Hello.”
“I’m Lola,” the woman said and started digging in her purse.
I considered backing out really fast and driving away. What if it was a gun she was going for? Instead, I sat tight. There was something about her smile that made me trust her at least a little.
“Here’s my card,” she said. “I’m a realtor and I was just out here looking at this wonderful house, hoping to get a listing.” She paused. “When the fire started, I got scared and started to run. I fell down and that’s when I lost my bracelet.” She nodded in the direction of the diamond bracelet that I had tossed on the passenger seat beside me. “I don’t want to sound pathetic, but I need that bracelet. Business has been bad and since I won’t be listing this house, well, I guess I’ll need to pawn it. I have bills to pay.”
I hadn’t even considered listing the house. What an idiot.
She looked as if she might cry at any moment.
I rolled down the window and handed her the bracelet. “Sorry, I should have realized there were other choices.”
“Do you have insurance?” she asked.
“Nay,” I admitted. “I was just trying to get rid of potential problems. I wasn’t looking to make any money.”
She smiled. “Are you interested in getting a cup of coffee?”
“Why?” I said. “There will be no listing.”
She shrugged. “I don’t usually find people so willing to return something that’s mine.”
Was she asking me out for a date? “Sure…” I muttered, knowing my face was turning beet red.
“How about I follow you back into town and we meet at the Lucky Café?”
“Sounds great,” I said. It was turning out to be a lucky day for me.
As she headed for her car, she turned around and said, “You do know that I could try and sell this land even without a house?”
All I could see were those sky blue eyes. “Let’s talk about it over coffee.”
She smiled. “See you there.”
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