My daughter Rachael took me out to dinner late this afternoon to a restaurant in Malibu, right on the Pacific Ocean. She and I were alone since one sister is off in Mexico to see her best friend who has just moved to Mexico City, and the other is in Texas finishing her final rotation in family medicine before heading back to CA for the summer. Ray is in Texas, as well, so this was just me and my baby girl, who just turned 21 in April.
The sun was shining, making the ocean water especially blue today, and the waves rolled in, soft and gentle. We were seated right by two picture windows so we had a perfect view. The restaurant was busy with Mother’s Day patrons, but our room was smaller and so we could easily talk. And talk we did, which always happens when Rachael and I are together since we are kindred spirits – actually all three of my daughters are in that category, thank God – and so off we went on this topic and that. Which somehow lead us to my sister’s death and then my brothers’ and after a few tears shed by me, I thought it appropriate to at least mention what was on my mind.
“When I die, I want you to spread my ashes in the Pacific. No big fuss. Just find a spot and toss them in.”
Rachael looked around and said, “How about here? We could come for lunch, then walk outside and throw you over the side.”
After a chuckle, I said, “Just don’t let them see you. They might consider it bad for business.”
When my brother Jim died, the Neptune Society came and collected his body, cremated him, then took a boat out and spread his ashes at sea. We had a memorial service for him in Texas. I suggested the Neptune Society for me, but Rachael shook her head. “I’d like to be there when we spread your ashes, Mom.”
We decided Santa Monica pier might be a little too busy…
“Just make it easy,” I said.
Rachael smiled and said, “We could just flush you down the toilet. That water goes to the ocean…”
“Or,” I replied, “maybe just throw me in a storm drain. All the signs on the curbs say that water goes to the ocean.”
We both had a good laugh.
A rather morbid subject to be talking about on Mother’s Day, but I have a true love for the Pacific and can’t think of a nicer place to have my ashes dispersed then there. I like the idea of fish swimming by and scooping a little part of me up and heading off into deeper water to frolic. The last thing I want is to be buried, unless I can just be tossed into a deep hole and covered up with dirt. I don’t mind turning back into dust, it’s just that casket thing that creeps me out.
So, my youngest daughter has gotten the word on what to do when the inevitable arrives. Of course, they all already know I want a Mass said in my name. That goes without saying – almost – since anybody who knows me well knows that I have a deep love for the spiritual realm.
So, today was lovely. We ate, gazed out at the calm blue ocean, ate delicious food, and had a meaningful conversation. What else could a mother, or anyone, want?
Thank you, Rachael, for a wonderful evening. And thank you, my other two girls, for calling and telling me you loved me. I love you all three back.
Just remember the Pacific when my time comes. That’s where I want to be.
You can decide the easiest way to get me there…
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