This letter was written to one of my writing students who has just completed the first draft of her very fine novel and who is now embarking on the second phase of the novel-writing endeavor: revision. I have served as her writing coach for this process and this has been a deeply bonding experience for us both. One of the toughest parts of writing is facing the writing critic, who in this case has been me. I like to think of myself as kind, but sometimes, when tired, I am capable of getting a bit terse. I am afraid I may have gotten tired over the past couple of weeks and my student felt hurt by my words. I didn’t intend for that to happen, but it did. I have apologized and we have “made up,” but I wrote the following to her today to broaden our discussion to the writing process in general. I am reprinting (with her permission) what I wrote because I believe there is some truth here, as best I can express it at this point in my own writing journey. Here it is:
I am happy that my letter brought you solace. I understand so well how vulnerable one can get in the midst of re-writing a novel. It is as if your nerves are frayed right below the surface and the slightest touch can send you into deep pain. (Ha! The description of shingles comes to mind.) It’s hard to describe to someone who hasn’t been through it. People casually toss out a comment on a word, sentence, paragraph, chapter you’ve spent hours, days, weeks working on and the only thought is, “You stupid idiot.” I know this because I feel the same way when someone criticizes my work a little too cavalierly. I can take critique at the rewrite phase of the process much less well than during the first draft phase. A comment during the rewrite phase can magnify to a level of importance that wouldn’t have fazed me in my first draft. In first draft, I might nod and immediately remedy the problem. In rewrite, I usually move right into unexpressed fury.
So, you’re not crazy.
Welcome to the real writers’ world.
The key is to change what makes sense – there will be some things – and let the more painful critique sit for a while. It has been my experience, at least, that the more painful the critique, the more on target it is. (I absolutely hate to admit this, but this has been true for me.) Often, if I can let my bruised ego have a few days to restore itself, then I can see the person’s point. (This is assuming, of course, that the person has established himself/herself as an able critic and isn’t truly some idiot making pot shots.) At that point, I usually am able to shore up my inner resources enough to go in and “see” if the changes suggested will actually improve my chapter. More often than not, they are a vast improvement and I am left recognizing that my vulnerability was the real culprit, not the critic.
That is my story.
The key is to trust the person who is looking at your writing with the toughest set of eyes and to understand the process of love, hate, timeout, restoration, rewrite, and love…
Never doubt that you will feel those angry feelings again when another pointed critique splashes red across the page as it inevitably will until the piece is complete.
Just trust the process.
Yet another tough aspect of this novel-writing experience is that you don’t know if your manuscript will go on to be published. This sometimes makes the effort seem ridiculously time-wasting. The idea to keep in mind is your life is vastly more interesting as a result of this activity than it would be without it and that is the real prize. The rest, God willing, will be a wonderful addition to what is already a full and rich (and sometimes painful) experience. Besides, you can now join the host of writers who have had to face this same roller coaster of emotion over the centuries. There is some comfort in that, as well.
These are the aspects of writing that get less press, but are nonetheless true. At least from my experience and that of several of my closest writing friends who are talented and wonderful and have novels/finished manuscripts to show for it. Several are published, others are not, as of yet. We are all writers because we can’t help ourselves. You appear to be among us.
Welcome to the tribe.
Hugs to you, my dear.
Len.
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