I don’t know much about balance. I either go full tilt or am dead-dog tired and there’s not much in-between. I want to know more about this concept; I put that word on most To Do lists, as if all I really have to do is schedule it in along with all the zillion other things I want to get done in life. I would be a lousy Buddhist. Slowing down, detaching, getting focused on my breathing…this occurs when I am sleeping, but not usually during my waking hours.
There are those who think that I am too busy; that I fill my life up with so many activities that I must be hiding from emotions I don’t want to feel. The truth is that I was born running a bit fast. I like moving. I get fidgety if I sit too much. I also like thinking of what I’ll be doing next about ten minutes before I’m doing that next activity.
I used to feel bad that I am constantly on the run, zipping around whether in my house or on the road for yet another trek to some far off place that requires 20 hours in a car. But the truth is that “road trip” is my middle name. I think it’s fair to say if times get really tough I might find a new calling in the long distance trucker field. Not that I would likely qualify for this job since I am 4 foot 11 and perhaps couldn’t even touch the pedals on one of those big trucks.
I believe sliding into the grave, worn out and looking tired, is the way to go. I am not likely to be found resting on some beach for long stretches of time or going to get my nails done on a routine basis or even heading out to the gym for classes. I will be found instead running through a flea market at dawn or pulling weeds in our orange grove up at Ojai or hauling furniture in our house in Texas. I am likely to have five things planned on any day when only two make sense. I can easily go from morning to night from one activity to the other and not feel overwhelmed with that pace until the end of the evening, just before I fall into bed.
I am one of those folks who likes to think that I find balance while moving, like a tightrope walker crossing between two very tall buildings. Movement is needed to keep one balanced on the wire, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, but always with one foot moving slightly to take wind currents into account.
I have friends who might say that this pace is not the best for my health. They might cluck their tongues and whisper, “Will she ever just stop and rest?” The truth is that I am not inclined to stop and rest unless I am tired and need to catch my breath. But as soon as I do, then I will be off and running again. My balance is not achieved through rest, but rather through movement.
I’m happy I have this much energy. I suppose there will come a day when I will not. With that in mind, I am grateful for this particular approach to life. I certainly do not get bored. I have too many places to go and people to see to make boredom a reasonable fear, at least at this point in my life. Hurray for that.
Now, I am tired and headed for bed. Tomorrow is full and I want to be rested so I can give it its due. After all, that’s the least I can do…
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