Beloved. I need to read Toni Morrison’s Beloved. Rachael has asked me to help her with one of her college essays on the book, plus one of my high school students will be writing about it in his AP English class and asked for my help. I’m happy to read it; I’m delighted to read it. My problem is that I don’t take the time to read novels the way I want to. I have many of them in all my bookshelves around the house, and I certainly have read some of them, but not nearly as many as I would love to read. The problem: when do I find the time?
Time. Ah, yes, that little culprit has been a constant pain in my side for I don’t know how long. I do recall, however, that when I was growing up, time never seemed to be the concern it is today. When I was young, I played outside from morning until evening, stopping only for lunch, and that play never had a harried component related to it. I climbed trees, balanced on upside down metal lawn chairs, rode around the neighborhood on my bicycle, visited my friends, and even curled up on a couch or chair or in bed and read long and often. Life was simple: do my homework, make my bed, make sure I was where I said I’d be on time, and stay clear of my grandmother with the cane. Everything else seemed to fall into place if I did those things. What happened to those times?
A need for money is the quick answer. If money were not needed or if I were in a position to bring in lots of money easily, then life would surely slow right back down to the leisurely pace I recall from childhood. But alas, there is that pesky little concern. So instead of curling up with that novel and having a whale of a time doing nothing but reading it, I see student after student and make sure the money is coming in. I also help with our antique business, our orange grove, and our house restoration projects, all of which are related to money-making, or would be if the economy wasn’t making the business of buying and selling more like the business of buying and waiting to sell. My husband’s business – landscape design – has virtually died on the vine over the past two years. That is not a good thing, by the way, just in case you were wondering. We are dragging through this process with a modicum of hope that things will get better. However, we have begun to shift and consider options if the changes we need don’t come fast enough.
So, the real reason I don’t read as much as I would like is probably because I am strategizing about our future. Tossing around ideas, considering options, weighing possibilities. I believe I used to read more before this recession. I think I did, but who can remember at the moment? That’s the other problem when you’re preoccupied with future security. The memory is not as sharp as it might have been at other times. Something about being distracted.
I believe in positive thinking. I believe in a natural rhythm and flow to life. I believe in rising to challenges and moving forward day by day. I am just hopeful that the paradigm didn’t shift while I was distracted reading a book and now what I hold to be self-evident is not longer so.
Time will tell. There is definitely truth in that. In the meantime, I believe I’ll get going reading Beloved. I have work to do.
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