We have a big transition coming up soon. Rachael Marie Beaty will graduate from UCLA on Sunday with a Bachelor of Arts in American Literature and Culture, then move to Texas on the following Thursday. We will be driving with her for that move so it’s not as if she will disappear four days after graduation. We’ll be at our home in Texas for a few weeks while she gets settled either in North Dallas or McKinney depending on where she finds a job. However, it is undeniable: our youngest child is leaving the nest and the state of California within the next two weeks.
As the good mother that I am, I am taking up temporary residence in the state of Denial. What with our granddaughter arriving, Liz graduating from law school, and now Rachael finishing at UCLA, I’ve managed to completely avoid any emotional reaction to Rachael moving 1500 miles away. (Of course, even writing those words makes me a bit weepy, though anybody who knows me already is aware that I am a crier…not one of my favorite things about myself.) But, anyway, the gist is that I have kept this information at bay by focusing instead on helping with a job search and talking about Rachael’s future plans in general. I have not felt inclined to dwell on the idea that my youngest child is heading off to parts that, while known, are still not within 30 minutes of my house here in LA.
Rachael has picked Dallas because she knows that Ray and I travel to that part of the country regularly since we have business ties and a home in North Texas. Also, she knows that we have close family and friends there and that she has a support system she can count on if the need arises. Being the smart and practical young woman she is, she made the conscious decision to move to this part of the world for her “non-LA” experience. She wants an opportunity to have an adventure all of her own and this is it. She has also informed me that she does not want me to try to talk her out of this decision. I have honored her request.
I understand the need to go off on one’s own quest. After all, I went off to Europe at 20-years-old for six weeks all by myself, and then spend a whole year in Italy at age 22. So, I am not inclined to discourage stretching one’s wings. I believe it’s a healthy and necessary process. So on a purely intellectual level, I understand and applaud Rachael’s decision. It’s just that I have a little emotional catch-up to do related to the idea of her actually living THERE and not HERE.
Don’t worry. I will be fine. Rachael is applying for jobs and will be looking for apartments and once I know where she’s living and what’s she is doing, then I will settle into acceptance. But probably not without a few tears shed hopefully more in private than in public.
I am proud of my youngest daughter on this achievement of hers – graduating from one of the finest universities in the United States. I am also pleased that she has the confidence and ambition to head off on her own. I have my fingers crossed for her in terms of her job search. I know full well that she will excel in whatever she endeavors. That’s a wonderful feeling for a mother to have.
But for now, I’ll just stay in the present and bask in that sunshine of Denial-land. I know from long experience that life is best lived one day at a time.
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