I have a thing about the word “should.” I can’t stand it when people use it, particularly in reference to me. I go into swinging mode and find myself instantly defensive and angry. “You should…” says to me that you don’t think I know what’s best for me. You need to tell me instead.
Of course, I don’t always go into a knee-jerk reaction. If you said, “You should see this movie, “ then, if I respected your opinion, I would probably go. The same for “You should try this food, or go to this store, or visit this country, and listen to this song.” No, none of that would send me off and running. No, it’s the “You should” attached to a judgment that sends the blood flying into my cheeks, turning my face red.
Where does this overreaction come from? Did I have a parent who wagged a finger in my face and brought on that sense of judgment? Not that I remember. What about a friend, or even my husband? No, not really. So, from where does it stem?
I would have to say maybe it’s the 5th out of 6 children syndrome where you have older brothers and sisters who think they know better than you do about what’s best for you. That could be it. I spent much of my younger life right in the middle of a heated wrestling match defending my right to do what I thought was best rather than cowing to what one of my brothers thought I “should” do. Yep, that might at least in part explain why I go straight from zero to one hundred when someone tells me I “should” do something in a tone that suggests they know better.
Still, one thing I do know about myself is that hot-headed reaction is not a particularly attractive attribute. I get myself in trouble as an adult getting so angry over something that is usually not meant the way I might take it. I need to work on that – learn to pull back and say to myself, “You get to decide for yourself. You don’t have to get so worked up.”
For some reason, that’s not the easiest lesson.
Yes, I need to work on that…
Yes, I do indeed.
Comentarios