I have been struggling today with my new novel, working out the structure using John Truby’s The Anatomy of Story. It’s difficult because I started with an image and have written probably sixty or seventy pages of this novel, but realize that I have a big problem. My main character, a 17-year-old girl, is not the one I truly love. Instead, it’s her mother, a half-drunk loser who is obnoxious and self-absorbed, who has my heart. And as a result, my main character is too good – so unlike her mother – and I see in this book by Truby that I need to go with the character I love the most. Nadine is the right fighter against the horrible man who is the villain in this story, a drug kingpin who is in pursuit of Nadine’s husband who has fled. So, Nadine is the person who is most likely to go after the man who is dangerous and full of venom. Hannah can be in the picture, of course, but she is not the person whose story is the most interesting.
My problem is that I love the first 70 pages of the novel with Hannah’s voice telling the story. Of course, she could be the narrator who tells the story about her mother and the events that follow. Oh, dear Lord, I don’t know. Frustration! I wish I had someone who would/could just sit down with me and guide me through the setup of this story. I’m happy to write it, but structure is my nemesis. Crap.
So, here I am, struggling to get a foothold into this story. I guess that’s a good thing. I clearly am invested in what I’m writing. I’m worrying about it – trying to figure it out. I guess that’s part of the process, but I have to say, I get tired of being so damn BAD at the process.
Though, if this book will truly help me, then I’ll learn the building blocks to set this story up, as well as any other story I tackle in the future. Who knows, it might help me to ferret out the problems with my first book and help me to get that one into a state so I can resubmit it. That would be nice.
Okay, I’m just going to put myself in what Natalie Goldberg refers to as “Beginner’s mind.” Just sit down and work my way through this book by Truby and apply what he’s suggesting to this current story. It can’t hurt and could save me heaps of troubles later on if my structure is all wacky. So, this is my new plan. Slow down. Relax. Open my mind. Learn. Apply what I’ve learned. Watch my book develop. Enjoy the process of planning before I just jump in. Succeed.
Okay, surely that’s a good plan…
Now, if I can just get myself to do it. Discipline. That is what I need to call up in my character (I mean my personal character). Discipline to slow down and learn before I go off half-cocked. Damn…that doesn’t sound nearly as fun as just jumping in.
But then again, years of writing without discipline is not exactly the goal…
Okay, I am resolved. Though I may need some support.
Anybody else relate to this frustration? Don’t hesitate to share if you do. It doesn’t have to relate just to writing. Slowing down and learning before jumping into something can be related to plain ole life, eh? And feeling frustrated and not accomplishing what you hoped you would in the timeline you thought was reasonable. Oh, yes. I know a lot about that one!
All right. I am resolved. Again. But I might have to remind myself it’s okay to s l o w down.
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