What to write about? It’s hard to say. My attention has been shifted to death and dying and it’s slightly tough to shake my shoulders loose of that tension. Since returning at 2 am on Monday morning, I’ve had lots of students and lots of hours of work. This is good – my business is back up after going to half last year – so I am not complaining. And yet, I haven’t had time to just sit and breathe though I did walk around the neighborhood with Cordie this evening for 35 minutes. But for the past 2 days, I literally have gotten up, come downstairs, puttered in the kitchen and spent the rest of my days walking from the living room to the front door and back. No further. A person won’t live long with that little exercise. It just isn’t healthy.
I have some secret dream of becoming a yoga master. Not that I’m doing yoga at the moment. Is that needed for my secret dream? I’d also like to learn Spanish and travel to Africa and learn how to scuba dive. I have a secret longing to learn how to sail, as well, and live by the ocean. I live 30 minutes from the ocean if traffic isn’t too bad, but that isn’t what I mean. I mean I’d love to live right on the beach so that I could hear the waves as they splash onto the shore. I’d also like to study poetry, something I know very little about, and actually write a novel that could be published and do well, and when I’m not living on the ocean, I wouldn’t mind trying a cabin in the woods next to a running stream. I love the sound of water in nature, though I would settle for one of my second favorite sounds, the wind in the trees. I would also love to ride a bike everyday – with a helmet, of course – and also learn how to ride horses and go riding often. I wouldn’t mind taking a motorcycle trip on Highway 1 and experience Big Sur with the wind in my face. I wouldn’t mind learning something completely new, like Marine Biology; something that takes me down to that ocean and forces me to get my feet in the water. I would like to go back to Italy and drive a sports car along the Amalfi coast, as well as eat blood oranges again. I wouldn’t mind seeing those pristine beaches in Indonesia or the modern art in Spain or returning to Paris for longer than a week and sitting in the sun at a sidewalk café, drinking espresso and eating some delicious pastry. And I would love to actually wear the exactly right clothes for my body along with the right shoes and know that I look put-together. In what realm will that ever happen?
I read once that if you put down on a piece of paper all those things you want to achieve or would like to do in your life and simply put that paper away for five years, after that amount of time, you’ll be surprised how many of those goals have been achieved without you even realizing you have done what you said. I did make a list about ten years ago, and it is true that many of the things I put down have come to fruition. But I must admit that my list was more emotionally-based than empirical. I wanted to feel happier in my marriage, which I do; I wanted to be a good mother, which I hope I have been; I wanted to read more literature, which I have. So, I don’t know for sure how much the “list” plays a part or just if these were things that would have happened otherwise. Still, I have now written a partial new list in that paragraph above. I will see how much has happened in that list in five years. I suspect not much unless I make a fairly concerted effort to make it happen. After all, most of those items are not naturally occurring on their own.
I think I need to add “get more sleep” on my list. This is a perennial problem for me. I don’t remember the last time I got 8 hours of sleep. Plus, eat more fruits and vegetables. Yes, that’s important for health. Oh, and if I’m making a list, I would like to resume playing the piano – and get better at it – as well as sing more. I truly love to sing and I haven’t done a lot of that lately.
I am a fairly contented person in general. If I don’t do any of the above, I expect I’ll still be happy. I’m lucky in that I tend to be happy. So, I’m not going to put any pressure on myself to achieve any of what I’ve written. Instead, I’ll just be aware that I lean in the direction of the things I mentioned and leave it at that.
All right. Now I’m going off to bed. My eyelids are closing involuntarily.
What secrets dreams do you have? I’d love to hear them. After all, I hear if you just write them down…
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